You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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