Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
