I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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