My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
