he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
