i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
