i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
