evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
