if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
