we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
