I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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