New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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