using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
