It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
