Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
