Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
