so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
