just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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