If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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