never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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