i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
