Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
operation harelip BJ is a go
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
