I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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