I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
