My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
