I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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