you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
