you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
