I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
