Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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