Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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