I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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