Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
