i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
