note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
