I wanna bring you to show and tell
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
