we made out on top of his cat.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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