she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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