i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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