All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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