Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
