i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
