tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
