What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
