We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
