How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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