i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
pop tarts are not kleenex
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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