Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
