I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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