I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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