i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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