I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
