I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I am naked and annoyed.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
