This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
