Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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