Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
