you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
