So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
