He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
