just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
