You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize