dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
