remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
