To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
