Just took my morning after pill in the library
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
